Men are from Mars…errr I mean from monosyllable planet! Isn’t it why when I talk to my hubby, the responses are more often than not, “Nothing”, “Yes”, “No”, “Good”, “Great”, “Okay” “Wow”. On some lucky days, I can get out of him, ““May be”. At times I want to shake him to get few sentences out of him, just like we do it to the shaker when the salt clumps inside. On most days my hubby is clumped with words (key word here is…with me).
So, okay he can get away with saying few words! But how fair it is that he can pack his suitcase in less than 10 minutes, while I need couple of hours? And after putting in more time, I end up with a big suitcase with small sized clothes, and him with a little suitcase with large size ones!
Packing time and suitcase size seem like a small fry when I bring the topic of purses– these things need to be carried everywhere. My hubby can easily slide his wallet in his pant’s pocket, while for me I carry a purse with hairbrush, wipes, lipstick, sanitizer, rubber elastics/hair clips, cell phone, bandaids, mints, emergency snacks, a small water bottle, and most importantly cards and cash. The only place my bag would slide is from my already overworked shoulder!
Now lets talk about shopping! When he goes for grocery shopping, he sticks to the list, and is back home in 30 minutes. That’s understandable and efficient…sort of! And before I leave for shopping, I prepare a list and more often than not I forget to take it with me.
Once in the mall, I pause to appreciate the lovely bouquets that are put together (it is disrespectful not to appreciate beauty!), and then who can miss the items on manager’s special. What if I need something from the sales, and that item did not make it to my list. So, I check out the sales, and then I remember that we are almost out of toothpaste and it was not on my list. So, I go to the toiletries aisle to pick the toothpaste and then I see kids toothbrushes on sale. “I better take few of the toothbrushes as kids would soon need new ones.” So, I am back from my grocery shopping, with little over double the items on my list, and it takes me couple of hours.
When hubby and I go out together, obviously I take longer to get ready, as time to get ready is directly proportional to the length of hair and the number of clothes in the closet. And I am the one who has to apply the eye liner and lipstick, do my hair and yadi yada yada!
So now with the facts clearly stated, you my friends, would have a better vision that men in general have a time advantage over us. We women need more time to get ready for party, pack for traveling and even do the shopping. It is not because women have bad time management skills, it is simply because we are wired for multi tasking, so each of our tasks is ingrained with sub tasks. So for any given task, I end up taking a long road that touches more coordinates and thus longer time. That’s precisely the reason when I say I am going to bed, it involves 10 sub tasks-
Check if the doors are closed -> Brew a night tea -> Quick cleaning of the mess on way to the bedroom-> Shut the lights -> Check on the kids -> Call my mom- > Go to bed and sleep.
But when my hubby says he is going to bed. Before I hear the complete sentence I hear him snore! I envy him for such focus, but I understand that the difference is because our brains are wired differently.
Then there are times when we have a fight, and tensions run high. We both have a melt down, but I am so ready to talk about the horrific event soon after, and he needs more time to discuss it rationally. So we settle our differences after some time. But while waiting to resolve, I end up finishing the chocolate cake in the fridge and even the jamoca almond fudge in our freezer. Good thing, we finally have it all sorted out, but now I have extra 5000 calories inside me, and I am glum again for I have to get rid of those calories.
And then there are days when I get trapped into mood swings, some totally not in my control, where as my hubby’s emotional graph is mostly a straight line. Then in order to lift up my mood and connect socially, I go out….shopping! I might just flip through different aisles and racks and not buy anything, but there is something about the shopping trip that I begin to feel better…well almost! Until I try a skirt in my usual size, and it feels snug and I have to reluctantly go for a bigger size. The entire drive home, I justify in my mind that it is really not the extra pounds on me but it is how companies have started making clothes with smaller sizes. Finally, I am home with elated mood and find my hubby who is equally delighted seated in front of the TV and computer …the entire day. (For the records, I don’t envy him for this.;-))
By the same token, how difficult can it be for my hubby to find out I am upset. When I say, “I am fine!”, that’s a first indication that “I am not fine”. It is simple, ain’t it? Okay, I get it that it can be confusing at times….but after few times he should get it. When he does get it, he asks me “What’s wrong?”, and I say “Nothing”. Then he leaves me alone. “Nothing” to me is a conversation starter and it means “Something”. When I tell him later that he should have approached me and not left me in doldrums. He says that I should spell it clearly what I want, else he would do what he thinks is right. But if I tell him what I want, he would be doing stuff because I asked him to do, and not because he wants to do it for me. Right?
He says I am complicated. Huh! He does not get a simple mind of a woman!